F is for Faye: 99. Dear Sunshine

Posted on April 9, 2011 by

0



Dear Sunshine,

It is clear that the people of Leeds are not ready for you yet. Please go away for a month or so and return once the people of Leeds have come to terms with the following list:

Women

If you’re going to wear a vest top, please make sure your bra is of a suitable colour and definitely note that awful grey-was-white-but-you-mixed-your-colours-in-the-washing.

If you’re going to wear a white floaty skirt, wear an underskirt.

If you’re going to wear short-shorts, please make sure I can’t see your bum cleavage.

Men

Flip flops and/or sandals should only be worn within 100 metres of the beach, and never with socks.

Draping a jumper over your shoulders in a sloane-y style doesn’t magically transform Leeds into Henley-on-Thames. It transforms you in to a twat.

If you’re going to wear short-shorts, please mae sure that your ball bag is kept inside.

Kindest regards

Faye

PS Somone have a word with my neighbours and tell them to fuck right off. Or, have a word with the solicitors and tell them to hurry the fuck up.

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