Gemma Critchley: Hendo’s magic

Posted on May 25, 2011 by

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I want to share with you today a little-known (to those living outside of South Yorkshire) culinary delight known as Henderson’s Relish. Here’s a rather lovely picture of it that was drawn by Kid Acne :

Kid Acne Hendo's Henderson's Relish Sheffield Archipelago Gallery Sheffield
Image courtesy of A.P.G. Gallery (I used to live behind it back when it was called Archipelago Gallery, but it doesn’t mean I can nick their images so please click and go and buy yourself something nice from their website).

Henderson’s Relish – or Hendo’s, as it is called by those in the know is a wonderful condiment that can be used to make pretty much any food taste even better than it already does, from Cheese on Toast to Chips, from Baked Beans to Pies (all the main food groups there, kids). I remember being surprised when I moved all the 40 miles up the M1 to Leeds to find that this magical elixir of life was nowhere near as ubiquitous as it is in Sheffield. They have it in pubs with salt and pepper there to just put on your dinner. Not so in the Knightsbridge of the North. This very sauce lead to a whole debate in my office the other day about the benefits of regional food, from Parmos to Oatcakes to Pontefract Cakes to…

…Anyway, I digress. As I said, you can add it to anything and everything, the possibilities are, as they say, endless.

And now they’re even more endless than they were before, with this weird and wonderful list giving us 48 unique uses for Hendo’s, courtesy of The Wookie.

1. Cleaning mechanical hand tools, and the greasing thereof
2. Removing Chewing gum from mohair jumpers
3. A remarkably efficient coolant for air conditioning systems
4. A substrate for growing crystals on
5. A disinfectant for Aquariums
6. An additive to concrete to make the mix sticky
7. An aromatic oil for candle burners
8. A lotion to promote hair regrowth for bald men
9. Can be mixed with linseed oil 50/50 to clean paintbrushes
10. A de-icer for vehicle locks
11. A slow feed cutting lubricant for soft alloys
12. An ointment to neutralize wasp stings
13. A vapour rub to make young babies sleep
14. A polishing agent to polish out scratches from c.d.’s
15. A solution to get red wine stains out of carpets
16. A morning after hangover cure ( mixed with banana purée )
17. For Cleaning Black Hat bands on red trilby’s
18. A printer ribbon cleaner
19. A toothbrush rejuvenator
20. A gentle ointment for piles
21. Checking Banknotes for genuine ink
22. Painting on gas pipes to check for leaks ( if bubbles appear )
23. A makeshift tattoo ink ( semi permanent )
24. A growth promoter for broiler chickens
25. Brass polish
26. Tree Stump poison
27. Black lava lamp oil
28. Restoring broken and brittle shoe polish, back to semi creamy condition
29. Can be mixed with hand soap to get oil off your skin
30. Can be used to get flies and bird poo off car windscreens
31. Squirting into a burglar’s eye with a water pistol
32. Polish to make your dogs nose look wet again
33. Snooker cue resin
34. Trombone slide degunker
35. A potion for removing lipstick from Kareoke microphones
36. Hedgehog Polish
39. Bagpipe Goo Cleaning Solution
40. Drumstick Whittling Tincture
41. Moose Cream ( for cats )
42. Brass Door Knocker Remedy
43. Eyelash Fortification Nectar
44. Beech Donkey Nappy Stain Paste
45. Carpet Slipper Grease
46. Williams or Turner repellent
47. Ski Grease
48. Cure For Alopecia

Can you think of any other uses? Is there a wonderful regional food you’re keeping all to yourself and not sharing with the world?

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Posted in: Gemma Critchley