Pete Davison: Heat Wave

Posted on June 27, 2011 by

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Any time it gets a bit hot in the UK, it’s a “heat wave”, even if said “heat wave” only lasts for a few minutes. More than a day and you start getting into “serious risk of hosepipe ban” territory, and more than a week and the Apocalypse is clearly here. We’re currently in the midst of one said “heat wave”, and naturally things are going downhill fast. Apparently there are a bunch of trains that can’t run because it’s too hot.

Too hot? They stop running when it’s snowed, they stop running when it’s too hot. Did it not occur to anyone to make these transportations devices which are rather important to the British transport infrastructure a little more all-weather compatible?

Of course, as a nation, the Britons are well known for their distaste of any kind of weather whatsoever. Hot outside? Wander around complaining that it’s “too hot”, that it’s “sticky”, that you “wish there was more shade” or crack some lame joke about global warming. Raining? Mutter about it being “nice weather for ducks” (even though ducks don’t like rain), be unbearably smug about the waterproofs you might be wearing or look thoroughly miserable as you get completely drenched. Grey and miserable? Bemoan the fact that there’s never any “interesting” weather, huff and sigh to yourself or simply gaze into the middle distance. Snowing? God help the country as it grinds to a complete halt.

All this seems to suggest one thing: humans are clearly not designed to cope with any kind of weather condition whatsoever, at least while clothed. Clothing gets wet, or sticky, or smelly, or covered in snow and cold, or otherwise messed up. As such, the solution is clear: we must stay inside, install air conditioning and be naked at all times.

Okay, that’s perhaps an extreme solution to the problem. But you’d think that given we’re an indigineous species to this planet we’d be able to cope a little better with a bit of sunshine or a bit of water falling from the skies.

Me, I like it when it’s raining. I like the sound it makes. It’s a relaxing sound — an opinion backed up by the fact that various “noise machine” apps for iPhones and whatnot often include the sound of rain as a default noise to fall asleep to. Sun I can take or leave. It’s nice for it to be warm, but having to squint in order to see anything and running the risk of looking like a lump of well-cooked ham after spending too long outside is always something of a risk.

One thing is absolutely for sure, though — it’s bloody boiling in this room right now, thanks in part to the weather and thanks in part to the amount of technology in a fairly confined space. All respect to my PC, which is coping admirably with the heat and is somehow managing to remain one of the coolest things in the room.

It goes without saying that I’m ho– no, I can’t do it. Seriously.

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Posted in: Pete Davison