Pete Davison: Colonel Gaddafi’s Chicken

Posted on April 23, 2011 by

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Very often, drunken conversations simply degenerate into “I love you, I do, you’re like my best friend and totally awesome and we should totally do this more often like, y’know?” And that’s fine, and to be expected.

But sometimes, if you’re with the right people, something magical happens. Fortuitously, the people I was attending the wedding with yesterday happen to be the right people for something entertaining to happen when discussing things.

We were sitting out in the garden of the wedding venue gazing up at the sky and getting frustrated at the security light that kept going off and coming on every few minutes if we sat too still and then made a sudden movement. Some shooting stars were making an appearance every few minutes and all in all, it was a thoroughly pleasant evening.

Long chats such as the group of us had are often called “setting the world to rights” but I’m not sure the vision of the world we ended up painting was in any way “right”. Here’s the most important things we came up with:

  • You can wish on bats as well as shooting stars, but bats would rather get on with doing their own thing than grant wishes.
  • It’s easy to Photoshop in a shooting star — in fact, you can do it in Paint.
  • Mishearing “spy satellite” as “spice satellite” leads everyone to the natural conclusion that there is a madman somewhere in the world planning to release a selection of herbs and spices into the atmosphere, let them burn up and effectively curry the world.
  • This didn’t sound like such a bad thing.
  • Because it was a secret blend of herbs and spices, “The Colonel” came up.
  • “The Colonel” was not intended to be a reference to Gaddafi, but the image of him cooking chicken and attempting to curry the world was too amusing to pass up.
  • Ergo, Colonel Gaddafi is now in charge of KFC.
  • Gaddafi would use cumin as his weapon of choice to release from his spice satellites — ground, not seeds, to allow for greater dispersal.
  • Gaddafi also uses bats as spies, and they report back on the wishes people are making.
  • The bats are somewhat embittered by this and just want to be left alone to get in people’s hair and stuff.
  • Coming soon to iPhone: Colonel Gaddafi’s Angry Bats.
  • The bar was shutting at midnight, so we should get another round in.

There was a twisted kind of logic to the things we discussed. Though it was more “twisted” than “logic”, really. Still, it gave us all a good giggle at the time, and that’s the important thing.

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